a crazy diary quilt
a mixture of stitches from Sharon ( a weekly stitch, given to be learned )
and number 1 inspirator... Jude from Sprit Cloth.
starting from here.......heavy cotton, printed (almost forgot....India Flint...)with cotinus and rust, false couch stitch with the written...love you more...
now try the flystitch........wish me luck
while writing this, my phone is ringing and my mother is speaking on my answering machine. She's crying and my heart breaks, she wants me to be with her, she has the idea the building she lives in is broken down, big pieces of concrete falling down, she asks where her grandchildren are, do they have her pashmina between the clothes she gave away, she's afraid my dogs run over, there's a head of a dead dear in the hall, what to do with the man who follows her everywhere, didn´t I see the glass coffin where the dead man was in? She's tries to ring me mobile and house telephone at the same time (a very strange happening I must say..2 telephones ringing at the same time from 1 person...) she knows how to reach me but at the same time she doesn't understand i'm not standing next to her. A very nice gentleman from the nursing home installed a quick number so she can reach me with ease. Mam, i'm so sad, so very sad, you have to be so frightened. If I give in and come to you, I make things worse, you being afraid starts sooner and sooner, you must depend on the nurses there, I must live a life of my own. It's crap I've to lay down most of the day and hear you call...I wish I could be out.
I notice i can write this with more distance because it's in english. I have to write it down because it helps me to cope with my sadness and not being able to change the path my mother has to walk. I've been asked why out and in the open, but this is my way .
sorry, no need to read.
on top of it all bad english, bad bad english
my way
4 comments:
O lieve schat, ik haak af bij al dat engels. Kost me veel te veel inspanning.
liefs
this is important for me to read.
i have already read it 3 times
and still want to read it more. and i will.
....cannot change the path your mother has to walk....
thank you for this.
Ik heb even de tijd genomen om het toch te lezen Yve.
Ach meis wat een toestand en hoe zwaar voor jou. Ik begrijp dat in het engels de dingen anders op je overkomen zodat je het wel op kan schrijven, maar ook er een klein beetje afstand van kan nemen zodat het je niet zo vreselijk meneemt in je emotie. Het is heel zwaar voor je, maar je doet alles wat je kunt en hoe beroerd het ook is, je kunt haar er niet uithalen. Het is haar eigen geest die verward is. Ik hoop dat je een weg vind om ermee om tegaan en rust in jezelf te creëren voor zover dat mogelijk is.
Liefs en veel sterkte
I found your link through Jude's blog (isn"t she amazing??) and I am inspired by this post. I am going to "mothersit" my 88 year old mother for two weeks while my sister and her family take a vacation (much deserved). Mother is confused, and if her routine is changed, she does not cope well, so the two weeks with her will require my utmost patience with her, as she will miss all the kids and regular people. It is so VERY hard to see the person who was always my rock in such a sad state. I can synpathize with you and know that there are many of us all around the world who are going through the same thing that you are enduring. Keep stitching and petting your dogs! Wishing you peace and happiness my sister!
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