happiness often enters through a door you forgot  it was open

they also serve who only stands and wait

mam went all her life to church and she wants to pray but she wants to do it together with somebody
who is a Christian too. she really is confused and I'm often the object of 
her psychoses so that's is not helping when I try to read her something from the bible
her suspiousness makes her  sometimes angry and when I sit with her to read from bible, she says...you and your talks about god...go away.( by the way my church time is 40 years or so gone)
my friend  Clemy, a former nun, working amongst the poorest people in Nigeria, is a big help here
although she's roman catholic and mam is not , she is wanted for her religieus autority 
this time they talked about a line in a poem from Milton:
they understood each other so wel

they also serve who only stands and wait


.........................

When I consider how my light is spent 
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide, 
And that one talent which is death to hide 
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent 
To serve therewith my Maker, and present 
My true account, lest he returning chide, 
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?" 
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent 
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need 
Either man's work or his own gifts: who best 
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state 
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed 
And post o'er land and ocean without rest: 
They also serve who only stand and wait."

John Milton

wicca

explain the pain

aha

the book explain the pain is really really good

but my woman who re validates me is really special!

she lets me do exercises my way and my way has proven 

to be not  succesfull

when it went wrong ( of course) she asked me

what do you need right now and without thinking I said 

TOF

she didn't understood of course but when I explained that Tof was my dog who died a couple of months ago she said...i think she's here to help you?

strangely enough  from all my death love ones i could feel them around me but not Tof

suddenly she said something very special.....

maybe she keeps some distance to let you see you have to look at yourself and  accept yourself as you are 

not angry, not impatient

ok 

i am who i am

it is as it is

the baggie is little but it has not so much to carry

ha! 

( would Jude Hill say)

baggie is full
I'm empty
asking for help......so so difficult
but at last
when it was obvious that help was really necessary, because a walk with the dogs more then 15 minutes was too much
I did ask and revalidation will start again


till later

Das has to celebrate his first birthday without Tovke.....

sometimes the hardest thing  is acting normal


heartbleed virus infected my yahoo account so if you think i'm in trouble don't click links.....I lost a couple of months mail so if you feel neglectid..... sorry..please write me.

once in a while

once in a while nature shows me how life goes on and on but in different forms

it gives me power to accept death

here a flower and seed at the same plant

I took  my iphone while walking with Blaf and Shuka and could show it to you

isn't it beautyfull?

tree

you've seen it all

and more

will you help us

to never

forget them

4 may

the day to remember 

those who died in war

Chuck Palahniuk

Yes, terrible things happen, but sometimes those terrible things.....they save you....

my most favorite day of the year......

 

it's my birthday and I know how childish it is but I love it
I feel loved
lots of presents
naughty isn't it
hihi

Neil Gaiman......."face life, its pleasure, its pain, leave no path untaken"

daheks 1

healing stitches

for en with Martine

http://ateliercolore.blogspot.com





 Neil Gaiman's quote came to my attention and touched me by


Mo Crow said...

(((Yvette))) there is a wonderful you tube clip by Neil Gaiman addresssing the graduating class of 2012 that gives me heart to keep going... & "make good art"
here's the link

http://vimeo.com/4237267

 

you don't make felt..........felt makes you!

Noud
13 maart
2006

..................................translation follows...............

De laatste tijd zit ik wat in de penarie. Het gevolg daarvan  vind ik heel moeilijk, we hebben steeds maar ruzie, mijn lieffie en ik.

De oorzaak is velerlei , de dood van Tovke mijn hond, het manisch depressief zijn waarvan de twee uitingen wel dwars door elkaar te lijken lopen, het jaargetijde (  last van vallende of ontluikende blaadjes schijnt ook bij de ziekte te horen), het immense verdriet van een vriendin, de angst voor mijn moeders angst (Alzheimer gaat met hallucinaties gepaard en die van mijn moeder zijn heel akelig en betreffen vaak mij en mijn zelfmoord pogingen in het verleden), het tijdstip van de dood van Noud, mijn eerste man, de zoveelste ingreep aan mijn kapotte rug die geen baat geeft, pijn pijn pijn, het nutteloos, machteloos, overbodig voelen en het meest.....me schuldig voelen.

Eigenlijk kan ik wel zeggen dat dat het moeilijkste voor mijn omgeving is. Lieffie hoeft maar iets te zeggen en ik voel het als terechtwijzing, voel ik me schuldig dat ik dat veroorzaakt heb, voel ik me schuldig dat ik er überhaupt ben. Liet ik nu maar gewoon alles over me heengaan maar ik word boos en bozer, verdrietig, boos, verdrietig, geïrriteerd, verdrietig en raak tenslotte volledig de weg kwijt .

Gisteren was mijn byzondere, heel byzonder lieve vriendin bij mij om een film te kijken en ze zag een ruzie ontstaan.

Wat ik mijn lieffie nooit hoor zeggen (hij doet het wel maar anders en door de boosheid komt het toch niet aan) zei mijn vriendin wel.............................Yvette, wees nou eens overtuigd dat je een lieve, mooie, goede, grappige, wijze vrouw bent. Je kan het niet voelen want het komt niet aan, op de een of andere manier heb je nooit geleerd dat je er ook mag zijn, dat je er bent en er wat toe doet. Misschien moet je elke dag een engelenkaartje trekken.....(mijn vriendin die echt heel heel erg allergisch is van al dat zweverige....we kregen allemaal de slappe lach....zij die het over engelenkaartjes had...)

Nou ga dan weer je blog schrijven en maak er iets moois van, iets waar je blij van wordt, iets waar je weer wat positiever van wordt.

Lieffie....ik ga je vertrouwen zodat heel heel misschien ik ook op mezelf kan gaan vertrouwen, ik ga luisteren naar wat ik goed doe en weer mooie dingen opzoeken om mooie logjes te schrijven en dan zal ik accepteren dat ik stomme dingen doe en dat daar best iets over gezegd mag worden zonder dat ik er niet meer wil zijn.

sssssssssjjjjjjjjjttttttt

            

in silence, under my soft merino and silk felted cloth, i try to heal from last weeks

it takes a ruïne to find treasures isn't it? 

AUGUSTINUS

Since love grows within, so beauty grows.

for love is the beauty of the soul

the pile of cloth made with love doesn't grow

yet the love grows because little pieces are defined

I try to isolate the pain from my whole life

but sometimes life is so complicated that the power for isolating is poor

webbies....look for love

what who when it shines on

beauty whitin grows!

don't you think?

youyouyouyouyou

friendship

accept me as I am

even if I want space

space to cry 

alone

lets honour each other's needs

you

my friend

Happy New Year

agossie

dear Blaf had an accident
she had an opration and now  long long revalidation period

heavy because she's such a  " wildebras " ( a dog with untameless energy )

Simplicity of life comes with inner richness

Stitches as stars, if I make them I feel a inimini sparkel of lightness

I need it so so much

so I know what to do......

making stitches

making stars

making twinkels

making cloth

20 steps to the shortest day
my own steps
my own road to joy
though
i can't feel it just yet
my way how to take my steps
for all of you...
happy feet

where?

after looking everywhere and nowhere

walking with unknown destination

feeling lost

listening to a meditation

there it was............

I EMBRACE THE TEACHER WITHIN

nothing disappears forever........ only changes and renews

baggie to put in the tears

community garden

always a big surprise when a "webbie" does a post for you
this time such a lovely post from Fresca and what really ment a lot to me was the term

community garden

does it mean.............we all are flowers from the www united in a big beautiful garden? 
for me YES 

so thanks  Fresca and thanks all you fellow flowers for everything ( you know what)


From the community garden,
for Feathers from Heaven, whose wonderful dog Tovke recently passed away...

  

LOVE

Love,

gift from heaven of nature, shows you what's important

DO NOT ADD

Bijschrift toevoegen

 the spirit cloth  classes from Jude hill are  not only about cloth and stitches. It became a way of thinking and communicating further than I can imagine  ...... a ragmate  named Grace wrote,  a couple of days back, about Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj and especially about .....DO NOT ADD ......from his book I Am That.

  it seems so simple  but ...but...but.....she knows how to pick just that  and my dilemma has words. I hope this is kind of English or at least understandable.

 Do not add.....

 ...use what you have, or even more important for me.....use what you know, use what abilities you have, be who you are..... 

 All those beautiful works in  class made me so restless, eager, want to do too, my stitches are not regular, not special, my work should be felt, that's boring, I must finish something, when can I sell my work,  my posts are seldom, etcetc....and I'm not the only one thinking that way. These insights about numerous other things (Alzheimer, death, art that heals children, animals, love, loneliness, beauty and don't forget hands...hands that work and grow older, rheumatic curved fingers that heal, care ,strike and milk (Grace) are part of the circle that grows around Jude.

Not just stitches and cloth

spiritcloth

 

 

 

mirrors should think for a while before they reflect

 

 

thank you all for all the lovely thoughts about Tovke!

we miss you so so much

TOVKE

TOVKE

you are so sick

my sweetie

what to hope

I don't know

I love you so so much

YOGANANDA

 

let my soul smile through my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts

see the little gnome?
smile?
ok!

sad for me is, that the pain that went away after the operation, is back again.
I overdid my capacities
in October a new operation